Yukiatsu's Troubles
by Higa
Summary: A one-shot set after the anime. The girl Yukiatsu has been with since childhood, is changing right before his eyes. What can he do about it? / Slight OOCness.


Hey everyone ^.^ Started this one bored day. And then I rewatched the AnoHana episodes. And I wrote, crying because of the ending of AnoHana. Truly sad ;-;

Anyway, please enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own AnoHana, I just love it.

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"I'm different! I'm not jealous. Because from the beginning, I knew I couldn't win against Menma! I'm different from you. I don't dream of the impossible. I told you, didn't I? Even if Menma goes to heaven… you're the replacement." Tsuruko had smiled regretfully, looking through her tears at Anaru. "But I didn't mind being the replacement! The one I've been jealous of ever since is you, Anaru. Because back then and even now, you understood Yukiatsu. I was so mad about it that I told Menma. But Menma… Menma just said, "I love everyone, not just Jin-tan." There really was no way to beat her."

Yukiatsu stared, shocked at Tsuruko's hunched figure. He was speechless – he had no way of comforting her.

"It took some time, but I finally became the one who understood Yukiatsu. That was all I really wanted. But now, who's next to Yukiatsu again? If Menma goes to heaven and Anaru hooks up with Jin-tan… then once again, I'll be…" Tsuruko stopped talking, strangled sobs escaping her lips.

Everyone confessed. How they didn't actually care about Menma's wish, and how it was all just to help them move on.

But Yukiatsu couldn't stop thinking about Tsuruko.

'_She's never been like that before. She's always strong. And…_' That's when he realised. That it was normally Tsuruko comforting him in her own way, not the other way round.

And it didn't even occur to him how much he had possibly hurt her the past few years – the careless things he said, about Menma, about Anaru, about Jin-tan...

Because after all, no matter how cold or inhumane Tsuruko was, Tsuruko was a girl.

As Yukiatsu shouted out, "Of course, I love you too, Menma!" He felt as if he could finally leave the past behind, and move on. He felt as if the weight of the world had been lifted off his shoulders.

He didn't go to school that day. He spent the whole day at home, remembering the past, starting from the very beginning. And ever since Menma's death, the one who had been there with him through thick and thin was…

"_Tsuruko._"

He found himself tearing through the streets, trying to find the one he so desperately wanted to apologise to. Whether it was too late or not, he needed to apologise. Badly.

He spent the entire day trying to find her. But he couldn't. He sat down on the seats in the train station, panting. He didn't want to give up – it was too early. He heard the ringing of the bells, warning pedestrians of the oncoming train.

"You look pretty bad."

'_And there she is. Always there somehow, when I want her to be._' Yukiatsu smiled, relieved.

"Thanks for the compliment."

Tsuruko boarded the train and took a window seat. Yukiatsu followed her, his eyes never leaving her short navy-blue hair. He found himself liking the new haircut – it reminded him of his youth, and how he always looked at her hair in class. He had sat in the desk right behind her, and often found himself day-dreaming about her hair for some reason.

The only thing he hadn't liked about her hair was when she had stood up in class and answered all of the teacher's answers correctly. He felt as if he was always running to catch up.

The moment Tsuruko sat down, she took out a book and started reading.

"Hey, Tsurumi..." Yukiatsu gulped, being careful to not call her 'Tsuruko'. It was quite easy, as he had been restraining himself for several years now.

"Yukiatsu." She replied in her usual tone, not even bothering to look up from her book.

Yukiatsu found himself with a problem. He had no idea how to approach the subject of the accidental confession that Anaru had made for Tsuruko. To be quite honest, he didn't want to talk about it. But he felt as if he had to give her a proper reply.

And then he found himself with another problem.

He didn't know what the proper reply was.

'_If we start dating, it'll be quite weird. She's my best friend. But if we stay just friends, it'll also be awkward because there will always be a confession in the middle._'

"Just spit it out," Tsuruko sighed. "What are you so concerned about?" She decided to put her book aside for a moment to listen to Yukiatsu.

Yukiatsu found himself unable to reply honestly. "N-no, I just… you know…" _Wanted to apologise for hurting you, all these years._

"The weather." He blurted out. "I heard it's going to be extremely hot tomorrow, so let's stay home!"

Tsuruko pulled out her phone and keyed in a few things. "Quite the contrary. It's going to be cooler tomorrow."

"A-ah. T-the news forecast must've been wrong, then," Yukiatsu chuckled sheepishly.

"What is the real problem?" Tsuruko asked.

"That was the-"

"Yukiatsu, if you saw your own face right now, you'd know you're lying. So tell me the truth," She said impatiently.

Yukiatsu stayed silent, unsure of what to do. He stayed silent all the way up until Tsuruko's stop, which was before his. She lifted her bag and hoisted it over her shoulder. She didn't say anything, and just got off the train.

"Wait, I'll come with you," Yukiatsu hurried to catch up with her, hopping off the train.

"There's no need."

"Don't worry, I have to go to the convenience store anyway," He chuckled.

"The convenience store is the other way from my house," Tsuruko said, her eyes flickering to Yukiatsu.

"I'll drop you off while I'm at it," Yukiatsu said quickly. "I need the exercise anyway."

Tsuruko let out a big sigh and continued walking, Yukiatsu following her yet again.

They didn't say anything on the way to Tsuruko's house. When they reached her home, she bowed politely and said, "Thank you." Yukiatsu mumbled a, "You're welcome." And she only smiled, entering her home and closing the door behind her.

'_I couldn't say it._' Yukiatsu had wanted so much to apologise – running around for the whole day was proof of it. But he didn't. He sat down on a park bench, thinking up ways of apologising. And each one was in reach – he could do all of them.

But when it actually came down to it… he couldn't. He couldn't apologise for hurting her so thoughtfully and even now, he didn't know what to do.

He just felt helpless.

The following day, he went to school. He saw Tsuruko at the bus stop and joined her. She seemed quiet, so he after a few attempts of starting conversations, he quietened down too. He noticed that she was wearing the flower pin he gave her.

Yukiatsu had given Tsuruko the flower pin he had been planning to give to Menma when they were kids. That flower pin was only a replica – the real one had been thrown somewhere. He tried to find it, but he couldn't, so he bought a new one, planning to start his confession over and give it to Menma again. But then the accident happened, and he couldn't.

Yukiatsu wondered if Tsuruko was alright with it. After all, he hadn't intended to give it to her originally.

'_What if she's hurting again? What if she's hurting right now, and she's only wearing that pin because of me?_' Yukiatsu realised.

So after school, he went to buy her another hair clip. He made sure that it was during Tsuruko's cleaning duties, so she wouldn't see it.

"Buying a present for your girlfriend?" The sales assistant asked.

"Ah- um... not my girlfriend," He answered. "But I'm buying a present for a girl."

"What sort does she like?" She asked.

"I-I'm not sure…" Yukiatsu looked at the many pins possible. They all came in packs of two or three, so he didn't know what to do with the remainders. He was not going to wear them, obviously.

'_Eh? Don't I normally know these things?_' Yukiatsu asked himself. '_Tsuruko always knows things about me – don't I know things about her?_' And that was another thing he realised. Tsuruko was the one who took time to casually learn things about him, yet he didn't know lots about Tsuruko.

He chose a pretty hair clip with three jewelled flowers on it. One flower had a nice light green tinge to it, and it reminded him of her eyes. Just as he was about to walk out the door, another thing caught his eye and he bought it immediately, no hesitations.

He arrived back at the school just as Tsuruko finished her duties.

"Hey," He greeted her. She still had the hair clip on. She didn't bother to reply, just continued walking.

"Ah, um… I saw this this morning, and I thought it would suit you. I mean, I just bought it on a whim but yeah," Yukiatsu gave Tsuruko the bag containing the hair clip. "I bought it. For you."

Tsuruko opened the bag and saw the hair clip. She lifted it out gently. "Ah – thanks Yukiatsu."

"N-no problem. Do you like it?" Yukiatsu waited anxiously for her answer. There was a pause.

"Yes. Very much. Thank you." She was about to put it back into the bag when Yukiatsu said:

"Wear it."

She paused again, hands hesitating over the bag. Then she handed the hair clip to Yukiatsu. "Put it on for me? I don't have a mirror."

Yukiatsu nodded, his hands feeling robotic. He clipped it on her hair, a waft of strawberry filling his nose as he did so. He took off the flower clip.

"Why did you do that?" She frowned.

"J-just cause. Like, you should just wear hair clips one at a time. A-a girl once told me that," He lied. She eyed him, suspicious.

"Does it look good on me?" She jokingly asked.

Yukiatsu took the time to actually look at her. Properly.

The hair clip matched her eyes and it looked like it belonged there – in her hair. She casually swept her hair behind her ears, snapping Yukiatsu out of his trance.

"What's wrong?"

"N-nothing," He answered.

'_Why am I so awkward around Tsuruko?_' He asked himself. '_It's like I can't function properly anymore._'

Tsuruko clicked her tongue loudly. "I'm getting tired of this, Yukiatsu. Seriously, what's wrong? You've been acting all weird since yesterday. If it's about Menma, just tell me. I seriously don't care, because I hate how you're acting all stiff around me like you don't know me or something."

"It's not about Menma," Yukiatsu said. '_It's about you._'

"Then what is it about?" Tsuruko folded her arms. Yukiatsu tried to put his words into sentences that softened the meaning, but he just couldn't.

"Just tell me."

So he did. "I'm really sorry, I didn't know that you-you liked me and stuff. S-so, yeah, I'm sorry."

"For what?" Tsuruko smiled, amused. "This is so not like you."

"It's not? W-well, yeah, um… I probably hurt you heaps over the last few years. So I wanted to tell you I'm sorry and… I just didn't want to leave it hanging," Yukiatsu scratched his head. "Or something like that."

"Don't worry, you hurt me more than heaps," Tsuruko chuckled.

Her saying that didn't comfort him anymore. In fact, he was withering inside, kicking himself for how much he hurt her. His guilt over took him. "I'm sorry. Really, really sorry." Yukiatsu bowed deeply. "I'm so sorry, Tsuru-Tsurumi."

'_Was about to say Tsuruko. Thank God I didn't._'

"Don't worry about it. I'm over it, really. Just stop being so weird," Tsuruko laughed lightly. "I don't care about it anymore."

And that was when it kicked him, really hard, right in the gut. _I don't care about it anymore._

She was over him.

Yukiatsu spent the next few days brooding about those few words. He didn't feel happy. He didn't feel sad. He didn't feel anything – or if he did, he couldn't identify what the name of that feeling was.

He spent the lunches avoiding Tsuruko, deciding to go to the back of the school to eat quietly instead. The end of the day was different, though. He didn't want Tsuruko walking home alone, ever. It had been like that since he was little – why, he didn't know. Probably because he didn't want someone to kidnap her or something.

One day, he went to the back of the school as usual only to find Tsuruko there.

'_I'm in trouble._'

But she wasn't looking at him – in fact, she was looking at two girls. And she looked irritated.

"But you know him really well, don't you? So why?!" One of the girls was pleading. He recognised her – she was in his class. Yui, her name was. The other one, as far as he knew, was in the class two doors down.

"If you really like him, go ask him yourself." She said coldly.

'_Ah. Another confession._' Yukiatsu thought with a small smile. For some reason, girls tended to ask Tsuruko for help instead of asking Yukiatsu directly. '_What does she feel every time she hears these?_'

"You're so selfish!" Yui screamed. "You know that you know him best, and you just don't want to help other girls out! I bet you think you're the best, being with Matsuyuki-kun! He probably actually doesn't like you!"

"I know he doesn't," Tsuruko sighed with a smile. "But even so, he won't tell me directly, right?"

"So in other words, you're using him to boost your popularity? You're horrible…" Yui's friend sobbed.

'_She's not doing that._' Yukiatsu thought, smiling too.

"So what if I am?" Tsuruko smirked.

This was unlike her.

"You're… you're horrible!" Yui screamed, raising her hand to slap Tsuruko.

And that's where Yukiatsu had to draw the line. In a flash, he stood in between Yui and Tsuruko. He grabbed a hold of Yui's wrist, stopping her immediately.

"Don't talk like that to Tsurumi," He said, trying to be as cold as possible.

"M-Matsuyuki-kun…" Yui's friend whispered.

"Don't talk like that to Tsurumi, ever. And don't talk about her, either. If you want to talk to me, then come to _me_. Don't use Tsurumi as a bridge. She's not like that," Yukiatsu narrowed his eyes and let go of Yui's wrist, leaving a small red mark.

"Let's go," Yui said to her friend, pushing her gently by the shoulders. The two ran away. Yukiatsu turned to Tsuruko.

"Now why did you do that?" He frowned. "You know you don't use me for your popularity."

"Who knows? Maybe I do use you for my own popularity," She flicked her hair off her shoulders. "How long were you there for?"

"Long enough. Anyway, if you were using me for your popularity, it's not working," Yukiatsu sniggered.

Tsuruko punched Yukiatsu on the arm, causing him to stagger sideways and clutch it, wincing. "By the way, is this where you've been going every lunch, trying to avoid me?"

"I wasn't trying to avoid you," Yukiatsu fibbed again. "I just felt like peace and quiet. That hurt, by the way."

"Ah. I see." Tsuruko said. She started to walk off, but Yukiatsu reached out a hand and grabbed her. This time, he was determined not to let go.

"What do you think of me?" He asked bravely.

"Huh? What do I think of you?" Tsuruko raised an eyebrow. "I think you're a nice person?"

"No. Not that way. As in like, do you think of me as your friend?"

"Of course I do. We've been together all these years, haven't we?"

"Yes, but… no," Yukiatsu slid his hand down and held her hand, properly. Tsuruko looked down at his hand that was now in hers.

"What are you doing?" Her voice squeaked a little, accidentally letting Yukiatsu know she was actually _thinking _about it.

"When Anaru confessed for you the other day… it was real, right? So what do you think of me now?" Yukiatsu waited for her response. He had been very courageous to even ask it – it was possibly like rubbing salt in a wound.

"I don't know," Tsuruko replied.

"There's no need to lie to me," Yukiatsu said quietly. At last, there was one thing he could tell from Tsuruko's features. "I know you're lying. Just tell me the truth."

Tsuruko's face scrunched up slightly, her eyes shining. '_She's starting to cry._' He realised.

She pulled her hand free and held it to her chest, tears filling her eyes.

'_I'm sorry._'

At last, Yukiatsu knew what he actually felt of her. Seeing her crying like this made him want to hug her tightly and never let her go. He hated making her cry like this, but he needed her answer or he would never let go of it.

The usually-strong Tsurumi looked frail and delicate today.

She tried to run.

"You're such a coward, Tsuruko…" He whispered, grabbing her hand once again and pulling her into tight embrace. "You called me a coward, but aren't you one too? I guess it takes one to know one, hey?"

"Shut up, Yukiatsu…" She whispered into his chest.

"So, what was the answer?" He prodded again, resting his cheek on her strawberry-scented hair and stroking it.

There was no response for a while. She just kept crying, her tears dampening his shirt. No sobs were heard.

"I'm sorry... I didn't want to tell you – rather, I couldn't tell you. Because you were still hung up on Menma, even after all these years. I thought I could wait it out – wait until you got over Menma. But after that… even after that, I knew… you'd go to Anaru. And then where would I be?! Where would I be if you guys ever…" She left the sentence there, unable to stop her tears.

"You'd be here," Yukiatsu said gently. "You'd be here, with me. Because it's different now. I don't like Anaru – I never did. Yeah, she was going to be the replacement. But I wouldn't actually have liked her."

He felt Tsuruko stiffen, and he continued his sentence.

"Because I like you. It took me a while, but I finally figured it out."

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Please R&R! Sorry if there was a slight OOCness. Hope you guys enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed typing (and crying at the same time). Anyway, yes, thank you! :3


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